Resumes Suck

For the last 4 years one of the nice parts to having a job has been no interviews and no resumes. but as part of this whole new adventure, I've been updating my resume (with some very gracious help, thanks!) so when this whole thing blows up in my face, and I have to go find a real job, I have something to fall back on. But seriously, how the hell do you tell anything about a person with one of these? they seem almost completely useless, except for the fact that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD USES THEM. I am a little bit eccentric, a lota bit noisy, and not particularly refined - I'm not your typical suit and dinner fork stiff. but to ooze a little peopleware (an excellent book that I sometimes feel like everyone reads and then immediately forgets reading) - that doesn't matter. what matters is that I am fantastic in social settings, I'm a great communicator and i'm good at what I do. and thank goodness most techies get it. whenever I find myself in a room its pretty clear, pretty fast that they are a bunch of stiffs and I would hate the job (and rightly they see me as a bad fit), or that they are a fun and happening place to work, and they love me for my charm. And as you would guess, my character almost requires that I hate the resume. I hate its mantra, its whole purpose - of equalizing away any semblance of personality (even though personality & group fit are probably the most important attributes when hiring). and because of that I have always written about my work experiences in my resume. nothing lengthy or overly descriptive - but a blurb on the work I did, why it was important, what I liked, and what didn't like. it gives a taste of who I am, and what I'm good at. you can know from my resume that I'm not a vanilla, clean shaven, put you to sleep engineer. and unfortunately for me it is completely inappropriate in a professional resume. But who do I really want to work for anywho? probably not the company that doesn't interview me because of my unprofessional resume. maybe I could sell this as weeding myself from the jobs that I don't want? until some HR lady in some headhunting company that has nothing to do with the team doing the work blacklists my resume even though I'd be a perfect fit. but then again, how have these human capital companies not realized that their only advantage in this little world of business is those people that they are getting someone else to hire for them... Anyway, the resume is up to date! its probably a little more personal and inappropriate than it should be, but that's me. and if the world changes enough in the coming months that a personal resume wont get me an interview then I'm probably chin deep in shit as it is, and a nun's resume wouldn't be enough to save me.